Yearly Archives: 2012

How to Get More Bang from Your Next Conference Buck

Are you planning to attend a conference or other continuing education program? You’ll get so much more value out of the educational programs you attend if you’re well prepared for them. Here are some tips:

Before You Go:

• Read up on the subject. Ask yourself, “What do I know now?” and “What would I like to learn or reinforce at the conference or program?”

• Plan questions to raise and bring relevant materials to share. Also bring helpful study aids – a digital recorder, pens, file folders, etc.

Tip: Don’t assume that the program will provide you with good writing paper for your notes or good pens. Many hotel meeting rooms provide no writing materials or only small pencils and memo pads, which makes note-taking difficult.

• Wear comfortable yet professional clothing to the program. Bring along a jacket or sweater. Meeting room temperatures are often too hot or cold.

• Study advance materials provided by the sponsor. Complete any reading assignments, forms, or tests provided.

• Plan a sensible bedtime and stick to it. If you have an 8:00 a.m. seminar, get to bed early. As a rule of thumb, it usually takes 10 hours of rest in a hotel to equal seven hours in your own bed.

• Free your mind of current tasks and problems that someone else can handle while you’re gone. Limit phone calls from home, except after the program or for emergencies. Leave your problems and worries outside the room and let your sense of adventure take over. Suspend your resistance and be open to the ideas and information you’re about to receive. Treat your learning experience like a mini-vacation. Be willing to encounter the unexpected.

• Bring a good supply of your business cards. Keep them handy and also prepare a good way to keep the many business cards you will collect while at the program.

At the Program:

• Walk into the seminar room early and with the attitude of wanting to participate. Choose a seat near the front of the room and away from distractions. Make sure you’ll be able to see and hear what’s going on.

• Listen actively and well. Work hard to understand and absorb the speaker’s messages. Be on the lookout for information that will help you.

• Be responsible for what happens in the classroom. Do you realize, for instance, that you can help the facilitator do a better job? By nodding, smiling, responding, and speaking up with enthusiasm, you can encourage or discourage the person leading the seminar. Likewise, if you frown or appear indifferent, you may have a negative impact on the person leading the course. By supporting the teacher, you’ll get a better class.

• Take two sets of notes. Make one set factual (important points given in the program) and another of action ideas that you get during the program. Look for ways to apply ideas immediately and commit to them.

• Discuss seminar topics with other participants during the breaks and meals. Stay fully present in your learning.

Tip: Eat sensible meals and avoid alcohol during the program. Heavy meals and drinking may make you sluggish.

— Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

What to Do If You’re the Target of Workplace Bullying: 10 Strategies

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An eye roll, a glare, a dismissive snort, a nasty remark, a joke at someone’s expense — these are some the subtle tactics of the workplace bully. Such behaviors may not sound like much by themselves. However, that is precisely why they are so insidious and why workplace bullying is so much more common than many people realize.

If you believe that you are the target of bullying:

Recognize and admit to yourself that you are being bullied and that you don’t deserve to be bullied.

Recognize that you’re not the source of the problem. Bullying is about control. You didn’t cause the bullying.

Keep a detailed diary to chronicle each bullying incident. List the date, time, place, exactly what happened or what was said by whom, and who was present.

Collect evidence. Keep copies of bullying notes, emails, text messages, or other documents. Take photographs of property or equipment that was destroyed or tampered with by the bully.

Keep copies of documents that contradict the bully’s accusations against you (time sheets, reports, etc.).

Don’t remain silent. Doing so allows the bully to continue to intimidate you. If you don’t say something, the bullying may get worse.

Report the bullying behavior to the appropriate person in your workplace, either your supervisor or another designated individual. Present the facts from your diary, documents you’ve collected, and lists of witnesses to the bullying.

Don’t confront the bully by yourself. If the decision is made for you to confront the bully, ask your supervisor or another person to approach the person with you.

Expect the bully to deny your accusations. Let the facts speak for you.

Follow formal procedures if informal efforts are not effective. Make a detailed written complaint to your employer as per your workplace’s grievance policy.

Unfortunately, many targets of bullying feel helpless and don’t realize that it’s possible to take action, or what action to take. Share this information with your colleagues and commit to making your workplace one that’s bully-free. – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Are You Hearing Voices? If So, What Are They Saying? Daily Affirmations for Developing a Habit of Excellence

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Most of us engage in self-talk for more than half of our waking hours. The question is: What are we saying to ourselves? Negative self-talk runs rampant for many of us and is usually a mixture of half-truths, poor logic, distortions of reality, and an unbalanced focus on a problem.

We are not born with negative self-talk; we learn it. That means that we can un-learn it, too. We can change our thinking and our actions by the messages we tell ourselves. Pay attention to your language in your self-talk today. Notice when you begin to think negatively and to lace your self-talk with can’ts, won’ts, and shouldn’ts. Stop yourself. Then speak only of positive thoughts and possibilities. Use language of abundance, prosperity, and excellence.

For example, whenever you begin to tell yourself something negative, replace the thought with daily affirmations like the ones below. These will help you develop and cement your own personal habit of excellence:

1.   What I do every day matters.
2.   People can count on me.
3.   I expect the best of myself.
4.   I am worth investing in.
5.   I want to learn new things.
6.   I will do good things for myself every day.
7.   I will stay in control of my papers, things, and workspace.
8.   I will aim higher and higher.
9.   I will embrace new challenges.
10.   I will succeed

For more information about developing a habit of personal excellence, check out Blue Pencil Institute’s 25 Rules for Being Excellent. On Pinterest:
http://pinterest.com/drlaurahills/being-excellent-25-tips/. – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Pressing My Nose Against the Glass of Higher Education: Why I Went Back to School

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In my last blog post, I described my 11-year graduate school odyssey from my bachelor’s degree to my doctorate. One of my friends who read the post asked me what motivated me to undertake such a huge goal – why, in my 40s, I decided that a doctorate was something so important to me. This is what I told her:

I wanted to earn a doctorate for as long as I can remember. My childhood hero was Dr. Joyce Brothers, a popular TV personality back in the 60s. Seeing Dr. Brothers on the game and talk shows that aired in my childhood provided me with a different model of a woman than I had ever seen on TV or even, in my life: one who was beautiful but known for being smart. Dr. Brothers was treated with great respect and was called doctor, always, no matter where she was or who was speaking to her. I decided before the age of 10 that when I grew up, I wanted to be just like Dr. Joyce Brothers — beautiful, well-spoken, classy, smart, respected — and doctor.

My decision to return to graduate school in midlife was motivated by a significant life event: my first marriage was unraveling. My former husband is a professor and I spent all of my adult life living in the shadow of one university or another. We married young – two months after I graduated from college – and from the beginning of our marriage I made the decision to work while he completed his doctoral degree and post-doctoral work. I kept working and enjoyed success first as a teacher, then as a writer, consultant, and speaker. However, I always wanted to go on with my studies and I had shown great promise as a scholar in my undergraduate work. As an academic wife, I always felt that I had my nose pressed against the glass of higher education, looking in from the outside but not being part of it myself.

When the marriage began to falter, I realized how much I regretted not having had the chance to go to graduate school. The old childhood dream of being like Dr. Brothers was still there and I felt I’d missed a wonderful experience by not going to grad school. I knew, however, that starting in my 40s that I could not go to grad school the way I would have when I was younger. At that life point, I could afford to go only to the local state university, a fine school but not necessarily the one I would have chosen if any choice was possible. And, I could take only one course at a time. That’s all I could handle on top of my many other responsibilities – parenting, writing, homemaking, etc. (Even that pace proved to be pretty challenging at times.) My studies would have to fit into my existing life and somehow, I was going to have to find a way to keep all the balls in the air. But, I decided I was going to embark on this long path and make it work.

That’s my story. And since I posted my last blog post about my graduate studies, I have heard from several readers who have told me that they, too, would like to return to school – or, that they are already underway in their studies . Have you ever thought of going back to school or of pursuing another ambitious lifelong dream? I’ve shared my story. Please tell us — what’s yours? – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

How I Ate My Elephant

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Question: How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time.

In the late 1990s, I told a friend that I was planning to go to graduate school and she told me that I’d obviously lost my mind. She said it was insanity to undertake my plan to take one course at a time while I worked and raised my children so that I could go from bachelor’s degree to doctorate. Instead, she suggested that I join a book club. My friend told me, too, that I’d be in my 50s by the time I’d be done, as though that would be a tragedy. Well, she was right about that much. I graduated 11 years later with my doctorate at the age of 53. But you know what? I was hoping to be 53 that year either way. I figured that if I was going to live to be 53 that I’d rather be 53 with a doctorate than to be 53 without one. And of course, I was right.

You can’t imagine the pride I felt when I walked into my graduation ceremony in May of 2010. There I was, decked out in my academic robes from head to toe, marching before my children and husband to the strains of Pomp and Circumstance, to take a seat in the front row of a huge graduation. More than 8,000 people packed the arena. My children witnessed their mother being called to the stage. They heard my name announced. And they watched me as I was hooded and as I accepted my diploma. Would I do it all again? In a heartbeat.

They say that the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. After 11 years of graduate school, I can say that this is true. The key for me was not to put all of my focus on the enormity of my elephant. If I’d done that, I’d have probably given up along the way, or, as my friend suggested, I might have joined a book club instead. Focus on the bites that you can manage, just as I focused on one course at a time. If you stick with it, you’ll find a way to eat your elephant just as I did mine — trunk, tail, and all. – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Answer These 12 Questions to Decide If Something is Ethical

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At some point in your professional or personal life, you may face a difficult challenge and wonder whether what you are considering to do or not do is ethical. It can be very difficult to balance multiple points of view and competing demands to come up with an ethical decision. And, in life, we often find ourselves in an ethical gray zone or feel that no one answer is clearly the most ethical.

Below is a set of 12 questions you can work through when you find yourself in difficult situations such as these. Use these questions to help you consider all of the sides of the dilemma and the ethical consequences of what you are considering to do or not do.

1. What are the potential consequences or outcomes of this action or decision?

2. Who will benefit? How and to what extent?

3. Who might suffer? How and to what extent?

4. What is my motivation personally for doing this?

5. What is my motivation for my business or employer for doing this?

6. Is it legal? Or, might there be legal consequences?

7. Would I like to see this on the front page of the newspaper or on the six o’clock television news?

8. Will this increase or decrease my respect for myself?

9. Will this increase or decrease the respect others feel for me?

10. Does his feel right in my body? Does it cause my stomach to tie in knots? Am I losing sleep over it? Do I have clammy hands? Tension headaches? Other physical symptoms that indicate that this doesn’t feel right to me.

11. Does this decision support or damage our business’s culture and values? Would I want this done or said to me? Would I want to be treated this way by another person or by another business?

12. If I told this to the most ethical person I know, what would he or she advise me to do? Would my mentor or hero approve?

For more information about our personal and professional development products, programs, and coaching services, please visit our website at www.bluepencilinstitute.com. — Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute

How Gauche! Take Our Quiz to Rate Your Workplace Etiquette

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Think you’ve got impeccable business manners? Why not find out? Take Blue Pencil Institute’s workplace etiquette quiz below to see if you’re a gracious and well-mannered career professional — or if your workplace manners are, shall we say, a little rough around the edges. Choose A, B, or C to respond to each statement below:

1. A co-worker starts to tell you a story she heard about a co-worker’s private life. You:

A. Diplomatically tell her you’re not interested in hearing it.

B. Listen carefully. You figure that the more you know about your co-workers, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate the politics in your office.

C. Listen but share what you heard only at home and not in the office.

2. A client has been waiting about five minutes to meet with you but you’re running a little behind schedule. You need a few more minutes to finish what you’re doing so you:

A. Apologize in person and offer the client a cup of coffee and a magazine.

B. Have someone else tell the client that you’re running late and will be a few more minutes.

C. Let the client continue waiting without hearing from you but finish what you’re working on as quickly as you can.

3. One of your co-workers had too much to drink at your office’s holiday party. You:

A. Pull her aside and try to get her to switch to coffee or a soft drink.

B. Take the drink out of her hand in front of everyone and make a joke of it.

C. Ignore it.

4. You have a non-urgent question for a co-worker who is talking with someone on the phone so you:

A. Leave a note saying you need to speak with him and try to get him another time.

B. Stand in the doorway and wait for him to get off the phone. You figure that that will save you time and that he’s likely to be on the phone again when you come back later.

C. Motion for him to put the caller on hold so you can speak to him.

5. One of your co-workers tells you that the new employee in the office looks really sexy in the clothes he or she usually wears to work. You:

A. Privately point out that the comment was sexist and offensive.

B. Publicly criticize him for saying something sexist and offensive.

C. Laugh heartily and voice your agreement. You figure that it’s harmless fun.

6. You notice that one of your male colleagues’ fly is unzipped. You’re a female and believe that he may be embarrassed if you point this out to him. You:

A. Quietly and privately ask one of the other men in the office tell him.

B. Ignore it.

C. Make a lighthearted joke of it.

7. A co-worker made a dish that exploded in the office microwave and didn’t clean up after herself. You know who made the mess. You:

A. Tell the person privately that the mess is still there and that it is courteous for her to clean it up so others can enjoy using the microwave.

B. Ignore it.

C. Leave a note anonymously on the microwave to “Whoever Made This Mess.

8. A client who is hearing impaired phones your office and wants to talk with you. You work in a cubicle. You:

A. Remove yourself to a room where you can close the door so you can speak to the client at the volume he needs to hear you.

B. Speak at a normal volume into the phone and figure that if the client can’t hear you that he can email you or come in person to talk with you.

C. Raise your voice volume so the client can hear you, even though everyone in and around you will hear what you’re saying.

YOUR SCORE: A’s are worth 2 points, B’s are worth 1, and C’s are work 0. If you scored 14-16 points, your business etiquette skills are strong. You’re able to handle challenging situations courteously. If you scored 10-12 points, you usually practice good business etiquette. Seek ways to approach every situation in your workplace with respect and consideration for others. If you scored below 10 points, you would benefit from doing some additional work to improve your business etiquette skills. Look for books, courses, and one-on-one coaching to help you develop the manners you need in your workplace.

For more information about workplace etiquette, check out Blue Pencil Institute’s Top 25 Tips for Workplace Etiquette. On Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/drlaurahills/workplace-etiquette-25-tips/. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Four Guidelines for Setting Goldilocks Goals

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I’ve coined the phrase Goldilocks goals to describe goals that are not too soft, not too hard, but just right. Goldilocks goals are the ones that are challenging and motivating, but not insurmountable. Remember, Goldilocks had a pretty good idea of the kind of chair, porridge, and bed she was looking for. She had goals. But they were reasonable ones. Her vision of what she was looking for, coupled with her and tenacity and positive outlook, drove her to keep going until she found everything just right. Your Goldilocks goals can drive you to keep going, too. They can help you know what you’re looking for – what just right looks like, feels like, and tastes like in your career and your life — but they can also be reasonable so that you don’t become overwhelmed by your goals and deflated by them.

Below are the four guidelines I’ve developed to help my clients craft their personal and professional Goldilocks goals. In addition, I recommend that you take a look at my Pinterest board, “Goal Setting: 25 Tips” at http://pinterest.com/drlaurahills/goal-setting-25-tips/. Together, these two tools will help you set your own Goldilocks goals – and articulate them positively.

Write your goals for your career and your personal life following these four guidelines:

1. Phrase your goals like you’ve already achieved them. For example, “I now own outright a new black BMW 4-door sedan” or “I have just been promoted to vice president in my firm”. Putting goals in the present tense makes them more compelling and triggers your brain to think of them as achievable and real.

2. Use passionate, motivating language. For example: “I absolutely love and am excited about waking up every day in my beautiful townhome.” Such a statement is far more motivating than the more sedate, “I like my new townhome”. Let passionate language drive you to achieve your goals.

3. Write specifically and in rich detail. Your subconscious mind manifests ideas literally. Therefore, use clear, specific and powerful language to describe what you want. For example: “I absolutely love being the HR director of my company. I love having my own office, earning a higher salary, and having the respect of others that go with the title. But most of all, I love being in the position to help others, to solve problems, and to make our company a great place to work.”

4. Write in positive terms. Examples of positive statements might be: “I am now free of the habit of smoking”, or “I am now a smoke free person”. Negative examples might be: “I don’t smoke any more” or “I’m not a smoker”. Your subconscious mind is likely to be motivated by positive outcomes and the benefits associated with them.

Tip: Share these four guidelines and my Pinterest board with your employees, colleagues, and mentees if you are in a position to help them with goal setting. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Why I Love Complaints

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While no one wants a client to become angry or upset, it is not an altogether bad thing when a client complains. In fact, I encourage businesses to welcome complaints.

Conventional wisdom suggests that the vast majority people who are unhappy with the services and products they buy don’t complain. A huge number of them simply walk away and no longer want to do business with service providers and vendors who have disappointed them. And perhaps an even greater number will tell others about their bad experience. In fact, it is likely that people who are unhappy with a service or product will tell between 10 and 20 people about their bad experiences. That means that if 10 of your clients are unhappy with something you have done or not done, the chances are that 200 people will hear the story – and perhaps with some embellishments and exaggerations. The damage to your business is potentially huge.

An interesting corollary to this is that the vast majority of people who complain about a service or product and feel that their problem has been satisfactorily addressed remain loyal to the business. Furthermore, the mere voicing of a complaint, even in the absence of a resolution, increases loyalty, too. Therefore, don’t look at client complaints as a negative. Remember that the client who is complaining to you, even angrily, is giving you an opportunity to do something to solve the problem, retain his or her loyalty, and build goodwill for your business. Thank the complaining client for bringing the matter to your attention and for giving you the chance to provide the best service and products possible – and really mean it when you say it. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com.

Communicating Personally on a Business Email? Uh-Oh!

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If your business uses email, provides email service for you and your co-workers, or allows you to use email for business purposes, you’ll benefit tremendously from instituting and following a company-wide email policy. Here’s what typically goes into a business email policy:

Personal use of the email system. A business email policy can explain whether employees can use email for personal messages. If the business places restrictions on personal messages (for example, that employees can send them only during non-work hours, must exercise discretion as to the number and type of messages sent, or may not send personal messages with large attachments), describe those rules.

Monitoring. In general, an employer reserves the right to monitor employee email messages at any time. An email policy can explain that any messages employees send using your business’s equipment or email are not private, even if the employee considers them to be personal. If you will monitor employee emails regularly using a particular system — for example, a system that flags key words or copies every draft of a message — explain that system. This will help deter employees from sending offensive or highly personal messages on your work email.

Rules. A business email policy can make clear that all of your workplace policies and rules (such as rules against harassment, discrimination, violence, and solicitation) apply to employee use of the email system. The policy can further remind employees that email messages sent on your business’s equipment or email should be professional and appropriate.

Deleting email. A business email policy can establish a schedule for purging email messages and for archiving emails. The policy can further describe for employees specifically how they are to save important messages from the purge.

Are you looking for more information about managing your emails? Or, would you like to use an interesting tool to help your employees manage their emails well? If so, check out my Pinterest board, “Email: 50 Do’s and Don’ts” at http://pinterest.com/drlaurahills/email-50-do-s-and-don-ts/. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com