Monthly Archives: June 2012

A Bad Handshake Is Like a Bad Kiss: Don’t Be a Wimp or a Bone Crusher

shutterstock_57031984A great professional handshake says welcome, communicates confidence and friendship, and initiates physical contact. It is an invaluable and essential tool for establishing and fostering business relationships. A wimpy or too-firm handshake, on the other hand, has the opposite effect. It makes others feel uneasy and insecure and sometimes, awkward – sort of like a bad kiss at the end of a first date.

Here are seven steps to help you shake hands like a pro:

1.    Be prepared for a handshake by keeping your right hand free when someone is scheduled to enter your office or when you know you’ll be meeting someone.

2.    Keep your hand warm and dry. A few squeezes or rubbing before the handshake should help.

3.    Don’t wear large rings on your right hand.

4.    Always stand to shake hands.

5.    Establish eye contact and smile.

6.    Extend your right arm and open your hand fully. Take a firm hold of the other person’s hand – the whole hand, not just the fingertips. Establish palm-to-palm contact.

7.    Give a couple of good, firm two- to six-inch shakes. Keep smiling and keep the eye contact going. Then release your hand.

Tip: Try to exert the same squeeze pressure as the other person. However, if he or she offers you a limp hand, exert a bit more pressure but not enough to be uncomfortable.

Every career professional should be able to shake hands with ease and confidence. Share these handshake how-to’s with your employees and colleagues. If you feel that you’d benefit from doing some more work on your handshake and from receiving some feedback, set aside time to review these tips and to practice shaking hands at your next staff meeting. — Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Are You a Broom, Waffler or Butterfly? The 10 Worst Roles to Play on a Team

shutterstock_18113221There are a number of roles that individuals typically play on teams, many of which are positive. For example, positive team roles may be to encourage, to stimulate outside-of-the-box thinking, to facilitate clear communication, to broker compromise between team members, to keep the team organized and on track, to summarize key decisions or problems, and to keep morale high.

Unfortunately, some team roles can be destructive and selfish, so much so that they cut into the team’s effectiveness. Below are the 10 most destructive, selfish, and negative team roles to avoid:

•    Steamroller: Tries to dominate or constantly interrupts teammates.

•    Show Off: Thinks he or she knows all the answers. Brags about and exaggerates his or her team contributions and accomplishments.

•    Waffler: Can’t make a decision.

•    Butterfly: Keeps changing the topic and focus before others are ready.

•    Aggressor: Doesn’t show respect to teammates. Comments negatively about them. Dominates to get his or her way.

•    Broom: Sweeps unpleasant task or team relationship problems under a rug.

•    Critic: Sees the negative side to any argument but doesn’t suggest alternatives. Puts down others’ ideas.

•    Victim/Martyr: Looks for sympathy from others.

•    Self-Confessor: Uses the team as a forum for sharing inappropriate personal information.

•    Clown: Uses humor too much or inappropriately.

For more information on how to be an effective team player, check out our Pinterest board, “Being a Team Player: 50 Tips” at: http://pinterest.com/drlaurahills/being-a-team-player-50-tips/ — Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

How to Get More Bang from Your Next Conference Buck

ConferenceAre you planning to attend a conference or other continuing education program? You’ll get so much more value out of the educational programs you attend if you’re well prepared for them. Here are some tips:

Before You Go:

•    Read up on the subject. Ask yourself, “What do I know now?” and “What would I like to learn or reinforce at the conference or program?”

•    Plan questions to raise and bring relevant materials to share. Also bring helpful study aids – a digital recorder, pens, file folders, etc.

Tip: Don’t assume that the program will provide you with good writing paper for your notes or good pens. Many hotel meeting rooms provide no writing materials or only small pencils and memo pads, which makes note-taking difficult.

•    Wear comfortable yet professional clothing to the program. Bring along a jacket or sweater. Meeting room temperatures are often too hot or cold.

•    Study advance materials provided by the sponsor. Complete any reading assignments, forms, or tests provided.

•    Plan a sensible bedtime and stick to it. If you have an 8:00 a.m. seminar, get to bed early. As a rule of thumb, it usually takes 10 hours of rest in a hotel to equal seven hours in your own bed.

•    Free your mind of current tasks and problems that someone else can handle while you’re gone. Limit phone calls from home, except after the program or for emergencies. Leave your problems and worries outside the room and let your sense of adventure take over. Suspend your resistance and be open to the ideas and information you’re about to receive. Treat your learning experience like a mini-vacation. Be willing to encounter the unexpected.

•    Bring a good supply of your business cards. Keep them handy and also prepare a good way to keep the many business cards you will collect while at the program.

At the Program:

•    Walk into the seminar room early and with the attitude of wanting to participate. Choose a seat near the front of the room and away from distractions. Make sure you’ll be able to see and hear what’s going on.

•    Listen actively and well.  Work hard to understand and absorb the speaker’s messages. Be on the lookout for information that will help you.

•    Be responsible for what happens in the classroom. Do you realize, for instance, that you can help the facilitator do a better job? By nodding, smiling, responding, and speaking up with enthusiasm, you can encourage or discourage the person leading the seminar. Likewise, if you frown or appear indifferent, you may have a negative impact on the person leading the course. By supporting the teacher, you’ll get a better class.

•    Take two sets of notes. Make one set factual (important points given in the program) and another of action ideas that you get during the program. Look for ways to apply ideas immediately and commit to them.

•    Discuss seminar topics with other participants during the breaks and meals. Stay fully present in your learning.

Tip: Eat sensible meals and avoid alcohol during the program. Heavy meals and drinking may make you sluggish.

— Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

What to Do If You’re the Target of Workplace Bullying: 10 Strategies

shutterstock_44424985 (2)An eye roll, a glare, a dismissive snort, a nasty remark, a joke at someone’s expense — these are some the subtle tactics of the workplace bully. Such behaviors may not sound like much by themselves. However, that is precisely why they are so insidious and why workplace bullying is so much more common than many people realize.

If you believe that you are the target of bullying:

  1. Recognize and admit to yourself that you are being bullied and that you don’t deserve to be bullied.
  1. Recognize that you’re not the source of the problem. Bullying is about control. You didn’t cause the bullying.
  1. Keep a detailed diary to chronicle each bullying incident. List the date, time, place, exactly what happened or what was said by whom, and who was present.
  1. Collect evidence. Keep copies of bullying notes, emails, text messages, or other documents. Take photographs of property or equipment that was destroyed or tampered with by the bully.
  1. Keep copies of documents that contradict the bully’s accusations against you (time sheets, reports, etc.).
  1. Don’t remain silent. Doing so allows the bully to continue to intimidate you. If you don’t say something, the bullying may get worse.
  1. Report the bullying behavior to the appropriate person in your workplace, either your supervisor or another designated individual. Present the facts from your diary, documents you’ve collected, and lists of witnesses to the bullying.
  1. Don’t confront the bully by yourself. If the decision is made for you to confront the bully, ask your supervisor or another person to approach the person with you.
  1. Expect the bully to deny your accusations. Let the facts speak for you.
  1. Follow formal procedures if informal efforts are not effective. Make a detailed written complaint to your employer as per your workplace’s grievance policy.

Unfortunately, many targets of bullying feel helpless and don’t realize that it’s possible to take action, or what action to take.  Share this information with your colleagues and commit to making your workplace one that’s bully-free. – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Are You Hearing Voices? If So, What Are They Saying? Daily Affirmations for Developing a Habit of Excellence

shutterstock_38101996Most of us engage in self-talk for more than half of our waking hours. The question is: What are we saying to ourselves? Negative self-talk runs rampant for many of us and is usually a mixture of half-truths, poor logic, distortions of reality, and an unbalanced focus on a problem.

We are not born with negative self-talk; we learn it.  That means that we can un-learn it, too. We can change our thinking and our actions by the messages we tell ourselves. Pay attention to your language in your self-talk today. Notice when you begin to think negatively and to lace your self-talk with can’ts, won’ts, and shouldn’ts. Stop yourself. Then speak only of positive thoughts and possibilities. Use language of abundance, prosperity, and excellence.

For example, whenever you begin to tell yourself something negative, replace the thought with daily affirmations like the ones below. These will help you develop and cement your own personal habit of excellence:

1.    What I do every day matters.
2.    People can count on me.
3.    I expect the best of myself.
4.    I am worth investing in.
5.    I want to learn new things.
6.    I will do good things for myself every day.
7.    I will stay in control of my papers, things, and workspace.
8.    I will aim higher and higher.
9.    I will embrace new challenges.
10.    I will succeed

For more information about developing a habit of personal excellence, check out Blue Pencil Institute’s 25 Rules for Being Excellent. On Pinterest:
http://pinterest.com/drlaurahills/being-excellent-25-tips/. – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Pressing My Nose Against the Glass of Higher Education: Why I Went Back to School

2012 091In my last blog post, I described my 11-year graduate school odyssey from my bachelor’s degree to my doctorate. One of my friends who read the post asked me what motivated me to undertake such a huge goal – why, in my 40s, I decided that a doctorate was something so important to me. This is what I told her:

I wanted to earn a doctorate for as long as I can remember. My childhood hero was Dr. Joyce Brothers, a popular TV personality back in the 60s. Seeing Dr. Brothers on the game and talk shows that aired in my childhood provided me with a different model of a woman than I had ever seen on TV or even, in my life: one who was beautiful but known for being smart. Dr. Brothers was treated with great respect and was called doctor, always, no matter where she was or who was speaking to her. I decided before the age of 10 that when I grew up, I wanted to be just like Dr. Joyce Brothers — beautiful, well-spoken, classy, smart, respected — and doctor.

My decision to return to graduate school in midlife was motivated by a significant life event: my first marriage was unraveling. My former husband is a professor and I spent all of my adult life living in the shadow of one university or another. We married young – two months after I graduated from college – and from the beginning of our marriage I made the decision to work while he completed his doctoral degree and post-doctoral work. I kept working and enjoyed success first as a teacher, then as a writer, consultant, and speaker. However, I always wanted to go on with my studies and I had shown great promise as a scholar in my undergraduate work.  As an academic wife, I always felt that I had my nose pressed against the glass of higher education, looking in from the outside but not being part of it myself.

When the marriage began to falter, I realized how much I regretted not having had the chance to go to graduate school. The old childhood dream of being like Dr. Brothers was still there and I felt I’d missed a wonderful experience by not going to grad school. I knew, however, that starting in my 40s that I could not go to grad school the way I would have when I was younger. At that life point, I could afford to go only to the local state university, a fine school but not necessarily the one I would have chosen if any choice was possible. And, I could take only one course at a time. That’s all I could handle on top of my many other responsibilities – parenting, writing, homemaking, etc. (Even that pace proved to be pretty challenging at times.) My studies would have to fit into my existing life and somehow, I was going to have to find a way to keep all the balls in the air. But, I decided I was going to embark on this long path and make it work.

That’s my story. And since I posted my last blog post about my graduate studies, I have heard from several readers who have told me that they, too, would like to return to school – or, that they are already underway in their studies . Have you ever thought of going back to school or of pursuing another ambitious lifelong dream? I’ve shared my story. Please tell us — what’s yours? – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com