Category Archives: Self Care

Focus on Having the Best of It

By Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

 

Are you in a job shutterstock_65135377or other situation that’s hugely stressful? Many people will give you advice about managing your stress. They’ll tell you take daily walks, practice deep breathing exercises, eat the right foods, avoid caffeine, meditate, soak in a hot tub, and so on. In fact, those practices may actually help. But sometimes, no matter what you do, you won’t be able to get rid of the headaches, backaches, insomnia, digestive problems, and other symptoms of your stress. This will be the case when your job or other situation goes against your values, serves no greater purpose, or compromises your well-being and self-esteem. If you’re stuck in a stressful situation that doesn’t make sense, refocus not on making the best of it, but on having the best of it. Look for or create a new opportunity that will be a better fit to your needs, one that will also be more meaningful and personally rewarding. If you’re asking yourself how you can best muddle along, think: Is that the right question to be asking?

Don’t focus on making the best of it.

Focus on HAVING the best of it — and how you’re going to make that happen.

 

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

By Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

It’s snowing todaySnow Day in the Washington, DC metropolitan area and practically everything is closed. As I write this sitting at my desk, I am looking out my window through a curtain of heavy wet snowflakes. I see the young family that lives across the street wearing puffy ski jackets and boots, out shoveling their driveway and sidewalk together. I see my daughter’s white car parked on the street with snow accumulating on its roof, hood, and windows, making it look like a white hump. And I see the tire marks left by vehicles that have sloshed their way up and down our unplowed, untreated street today.

This morning, I received a call from my doctor’s office to reschedule our appointment today for my annual exam. And though I wasn’t particularly dreading this appointment, how elated I was about this postponement. Why? You see, I wanted a snow day. How delicious it is to wear my slippers and to know that I do not have to leave to go anywhere today, that I am safe and secure and warm here in my home. Now mind you, I don’t have any desire to repeat the infamous blizzard of 1996 when I was snowed in with young children for days and days, when cabin fever started to set in. But for this one lovely day in early March, I am content just to be here, to see the children outside my window forming snowballs and chucking them at their father while he shovels the snow.

Life Lessons: What I Learned at Prostate School

My husband ishutterstock_40220995s going to undergo treatment for prostate cancer in 10 days and this morning, we took a class together at the hospital. They call it “prostate school”, I suppose, to make it sound more fun. Actually, we did enjoy the class and surprisingly, laughed more than once.

I’d like to share with you five life lessons I took away from prostate school today that I believe transcend this experience:

1. The human body is a miracle. We saw diagrams of the human body and discussed in some detail how everything works together. It’s so easy to forget what a miracle each of us is. It was nice to have that reminder.

2. Modern medicine is astounding. My husband is undergoing a treatment in which radioactive seeds will be implanted into his prostate, targeting his cancer with great precision. The cure rate is outstanding – better than 90%. Even Jules Verne did not predict something like that.

3. What we eat matters – a LOT. We met with a dietician who reviewed in detail what my husband can’t eat for the first 30 – 90 days after his procedure. I never considered before the little things that affect our digestion — like whether a fruit has a skin on it (like a blueberry) or that we react so differently to seemingly similar greens (such as spinach and kale).

4. A natural response to losing something is to want it badly. Men who undergo radioactive seed therapy for prostate cancer are placed on a special diet for a few months afterwards. Everyone in the class groaned and grumbled about the foods that aren’t allowed on the diet. We were all saddened that tomatoes are on the taboo list for 90 days. That’s understandable because so many delicious foods are tomato-based. But what surprised me is that my husband seemed especially sad that he couldn’t eat Brussels sprouts for 30 days. Brussels sprouts? For 30 days?

5. Being married to a loving spouse is the best thing in the world. We were three couples in the class together this morning and each wife took time away from work and other activities to sit beside her husband, to learn with him, and to support him. Our nurse trainer on more than one occasion said something specifically to the wives about what we would need to do – drive our husbands home from the hospital, bring their medication with us the day of the procedure, etc. I cannot imagine what it would be like for a man to have to go through this treatment without such support. I am so grateful that I am able to help my husband through this.

My husband and I are optimistic and thanks to prostate school, we feel even more prepared to go through this treatment now. That brings me to my final life lesson from prostate school: Knowing what to expect makes all the difference in the world. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com.

Lifelong Learning — In the Bathroom?

shutterstock_71092255I’ve never been what you would call low maintenance. It takes me about a half-hour or so at the bathroom vanity every morning to turn the head that I wake up with into the head that the world sees every day. To my credit, I think that’s darned impressive when you consider the gazillion steps and products that I go through to transform myself into the person most of the world has come to know.

Recently, a friend gave me some CDs to listen to with interesting interviews on them with great people like Seth Godin, Brian Tracy, and John Maxwell. I was excited to have them but wondered at first when I would have time to listen to them. I don’t drive long distances on a typical day (a good thing, I think), so listening to them in my car wasn’t a good option. Of course, I thought about just sitting down and listening to them, but I couldn’t figure out when I would do that.

The next day, I mulled this over while washing, toning, and moisturizing my face and it hit me; what if I listened to them while I was getting ready in the morning? I’ve listened to music in the bathroom and in fact have both an iHome and a CD player in there for just that purpose. But it never occurred to me that I could listen to an educational or inspiring audio program in there before.

I popped the first CD into my old player and within five minutes I was hooked. I’ve been listening to these programs for a week now and have to admit that I actually look forward to going into the bathroom and listening to them every morning. I’ve already learned so many good ideas and gained tremendous inspiration from these programs. But what I love most of all is that I’ve turned my necessary morning routine into something that’s good not only for my outsides, but for my insides, too. What a great start to my day!

Now, I’m craving more good audio programs that I can listen to each day – ones that will help me stretch and grow as a person and in my career. Readers – do you have any good ones to suggest to me? I welcome your recommendations. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Debunking Time Management Myths: 12 Popular Misconceptions

shutterstock_86113621By Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Below are 12 popular misconceptions about time management. Do you believe any of them to be true?

  1. There’s plenty of time. I can do that later.
  2. There’s too much to do. It can’t be done.
  3. He/she has more time than I have.
  4. I’m busy right now so I can let that slide.
  5. I’m the only one who can do it.
  6. I can get more done in more time when I wisely use caffeine, sugar, alcohol, or nicotine.
  7. I should have no limits
  8. It’ll be quicker if I just do it myself.
  9. The longer I work, the more I will get done.
  10. Multi-tasking will save time.
  11. Breaks? That’s a waste of time. I don’t need them.
  12. I have no control over the way I spend my time.

Hanging onto misconceptions about our time such as these will ultimately create stress and interfere with our productivity. Talk with your colleagues, partner, or coach to see how these misconceptions are untrue and to figure out better, healthier, and more effective ways to think about managing your time.

Computer Ergonomics: How to Use Your Keyboard Properly

shutterstock_23458258By Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute (www.bluepencilinstitute.com)

I spend a tremendous amount of time writing at my computer workstation and have learned that if I don’t use my keyboard properly that I will have quite a few aches and pains later. Here are some tips that have made a big difference for me and that I hope will help you, too.

Your computer keyboard should not be on your lap or on top of a traditional desk. Good computer ergonomics dictate that the keyboard be positioned below the desk on a keyboard pullout try. This helps ensure that your wrists and forearms stay in the neutral position roughly parallel to the floor and that your elbows stay close to the body and bent between 90 and 120 degrees. However, be sure that your keyboard tray provides leg clearance and has an adjustable height and tilt mechanism so you can position it properly. The keyboard tray also should not push you too far away from other work materials and equipment such as your phone.

Be sure that your keyboard tray allows adequate room both for the keyboard and the mouse and that the mouse can be kept close to the keyboard. Ideally, your keyboard tray should have space on either side to allow you to switch over and mouse with your other hand periodically.

Tilt the keyboard tray down and away from you so that you do not have to bend your wrists up to type. Sit with your elbows close to your body and place your hands on your keyboard with your forearms extended naturally. Make sure that your wrists are in a straight line with your forearms. Keep your shoulders relaxed and down. The space that you can move your hands over without moving your elbows away from your body is your keyboarding neutral reach zone. For good computer ergonomics, you shouldn’t have to reach out of that zone to use the mouse.

Pull your chair close to your keyboard and position it directly in front of your body. Determine which section of the keyboard you use most often (letters or numbers) and readjust the keyboard so that section is centered with your body. Wrist rests can help you maintain a neutral position and pad hard surfaces. However, the wrist rest should be used only to rest the palms of the hands between keystrokes. Resting on the wrist rest while typing is not recommended and has been linked to injuries. Avoid using excessively wide wrist rests or wrist rests that are higher than the space bar of your keyboard.

Finally, if you don’t have a fully adjustable keyboard tray, adjust your workstation height, the height of your chair, or use a seat cushion to get in a comfortable keyboarding position.

How to Get More Bang from Your Next Conference Buck

ConferenceAre you planning to attend a conference or other continuing education program? You’ll get so much more value out of the educational programs you attend if you’re well prepared for them. Here are some tips:

Before You Go:

•    Read up on the subject. Ask yourself, “What do I know now?” and “What would I like to learn or reinforce at the conference or program?”

•    Plan questions to raise and bring relevant materials to share. Also bring helpful study aids – a digital recorder, pens, file folders, etc.

Tip: Don’t assume that the program will provide you with good writing paper for your notes or good pens. Many hotel meeting rooms provide no writing materials or only small pencils and memo pads, which makes note-taking difficult.

•    Wear comfortable yet professional clothing to the program. Bring along a jacket or sweater. Meeting room temperatures are often too hot or cold.

•    Study advance materials provided by the sponsor. Complete any reading assignments, forms, or tests provided.

•    Plan a sensible bedtime and stick to it. If you have an 8:00 a.m. seminar, get to bed early. As a rule of thumb, it usually takes 10 hours of rest in a hotel to equal seven hours in your own bed.

•    Free your mind of current tasks and problems that someone else can handle while you’re gone. Limit phone calls from home, except after the program or for emergencies. Leave your problems and worries outside the room and let your sense of adventure take over. Suspend your resistance and be open to the ideas and information you’re about to receive. Treat your learning experience like a mini-vacation. Be willing to encounter the unexpected.

•    Bring a good supply of your business cards. Keep them handy and also prepare a good way to keep the many business cards you will collect while at the program.

At the Program:

•    Walk into the seminar room early and with the attitude of wanting to participate. Choose a seat near the front of the room and away from distractions. Make sure you’ll be able to see and hear what’s going on.

•    Listen actively and well.  Work hard to understand and absorb the speaker’s messages. Be on the lookout for information that will help you.

•    Be responsible for what happens in the classroom. Do you realize, for instance, that you can help the facilitator do a better job? By nodding, smiling, responding, and speaking up with enthusiasm, you can encourage or discourage the person leading the seminar. Likewise, if you frown or appear indifferent, you may have a negative impact on the person leading the course. By supporting the teacher, you’ll get a better class.

•    Take two sets of notes. Make one set factual (important points given in the program) and another of action ideas that you get during the program. Look for ways to apply ideas immediately and commit to them.

•    Discuss seminar topics with other participants during the breaks and meals. Stay fully present in your learning.

Tip: Eat sensible meals and avoid alcohol during the program. Heavy meals and drinking may make you sluggish.

— Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

What to Do If You’re the Target of Workplace Bullying: 10 Strategies

shutterstock_44424985 (2)An eye roll, a glare, a dismissive snort, a nasty remark, a joke at someone’s expense — these are some the subtle tactics of the workplace bully. Such behaviors may not sound like much by themselves. However, that is precisely why they are so insidious and why workplace bullying is so much more common than many people realize.

If you believe that you are the target of bullying:

  1. Recognize and admit to yourself that you are being bullied and that you don’t deserve to be bullied.
  1. Recognize that you’re not the source of the problem. Bullying is about control. You didn’t cause the bullying.
  1. Keep a detailed diary to chronicle each bullying incident. List the date, time, place, exactly what happened or what was said by whom, and who was present.
  1. Collect evidence. Keep copies of bullying notes, emails, text messages, or other documents. Take photographs of property or equipment that was destroyed or tampered with by the bully.
  1. Keep copies of documents that contradict the bully’s accusations against you (time sheets, reports, etc.).
  1. Don’t remain silent. Doing so allows the bully to continue to intimidate you. If you don’t say something, the bullying may get worse.
  1. Report the bullying behavior to the appropriate person in your workplace, either your supervisor or another designated individual. Present the facts from your diary, documents you’ve collected, and lists of witnesses to the bullying.
  1. Don’t confront the bully by yourself. If the decision is made for you to confront the bully, ask your supervisor or another person to approach the person with you.
  1. Expect the bully to deny your accusations. Let the facts speak for you.
  1. Follow formal procedures if informal efforts are not effective. Make a detailed written complaint to your employer as per your workplace’s grievance policy.

Unfortunately, many targets of bullying feel helpless and don’t realize that it’s possible to take action, or what action to take.  Share this information with your colleagues and commit to making your workplace one that’s bully-free. – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Are You Hearing Voices? If So, What Are They Saying? Daily Affirmations for Developing a Habit of Excellence

shutterstock_38101996Most of us engage in self-talk for more than half of our waking hours. The question is: What are we saying to ourselves? Negative self-talk runs rampant for many of us and is usually a mixture of half-truths, poor logic, distortions of reality, and an unbalanced focus on a problem.

We are not born with negative self-talk; we learn it.  That means that we can un-learn it, too. We can change our thinking and our actions by the messages we tell ourselves. Pay attention to your language in your self-talk today. Notice when you begin to think negatively and to lace your self-talk with can’ts, won’ts, and shouldn’ts. Stop yourself. Then speak only of positive thoughts and possibilities. Use language of abundance, prosperity, and excellence.

For example, whenever you begin to tell yourself something negative, replace the thought with daily affirmations like the ones below. These will help you develop and cement your own personal habit of excellence:

1.    What I do every day matters.
2.    People can count on me.
3.    I expect the best of myself.
4.    I am worth investing in.
5.    I want to learn new things.
6.    I will do good things for myself every day.
7.    I will stay in control of my papers, things, and workspace.
8.    I will aim higher and higher.
9.    I will embrace new challenges.
10.    I will succeed

For more information about developing a habit of personal excellence, check out Blue Pencil Institute’s 25 Rules for Being Excellent. On Pinterest:
http://pinterest.com/drlaurahills/being-excellent-25-tips/. – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

How I Ate My Elephant

ForkQuestion: How do you eat an elephant?  Answer: One bite at a time.

In the late 1990s, I told a friend that I was planning to go to graduate school and she told me that I’d obviously lost my mind. She said it was insanity to undertake my plan to take one course at a time while I worked and raised my children so that I could go from bachelor’s degree to doctorate. Instead, she suggested that I join a book club. My friend told me, too, that I’d be in my 50s by the time I’d be done, as though that would be a tragedy. Well, she was right about that much. I graduated 11 years later with my doctorate at the age of 53. But you know what? I was hoping to be 53 that year either way. I figured that if I was going to live to be 53 that I’d rather be 53 with a doctorate than to be 53 without one. And of course, I was right.

You can’t imagine the pride I felt when I walked into my graduation ceremony in May of 2010. There I was, decked out in my academic robes from head to toe, marching before my children and husband to the strains of Pomp and Circumstance, to take a seat in the front row of a huge graduation. More than 8,000 people packed the arena. My children witnessed their mother being called to the stage. They heard my name announced. And they watched me as I was hooded and as I accepted my diploma. Would I do it all again? In a heartbeat.

They say that the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. After 11 years of graduate school, I can say that this is true. The key for me was not to put all of my focus on the enormity of my elephant. If I’d done that, I’d have probably given up along the way, or, as my friend suggested, I might have joined a book club instead. Focus on the bites that you can manage, just as I focused on one course at a time. If you stick with it, you’ll find a way to eat your elephant just as I did mine — trunk, tail, and all. – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com