Tag Archives: marriage

Life Lessons: What I Learned at Prostate School

My husband ishutterstock_40220995s going to undergo treatment for prostate cancer in 10 days and this morning, we took a class together at the hospital. They call it “prostate school”, I suppose, to make it sound more fun. Actually, we did enjoy the class and surprisingly, laughed more than once.

I’d like to share with you five life lessons I took away from prostate school today that I believe transcend this experience:

1. The human body is a miracle. We saw diagrams of the human body and discussed in some detail how everything works together. It’s so easy to forget what a miracle each of us is. It was nice to have that reminder.

2. Modern medicine is astounding. My husband is undergoing a treatment in which radioactive seeds will be implanted into his prostate, targeting his cancer with great precision. The cure rate is outstanding – better than 90%. Even Jules Verne did not predict something like that.

3. What we eat matters – a LOT. We met with a dietician who reviewed in detail what my husband can’t eat for the first 30 – 90 days after his procedure. I never considered before the little things that affect our digestion — like whether a fruit has a skin on it (like a blueberry) or that we react so differently to seemingly similar greens (such as spinach and kale).

4. A natural response to losing something is to want it badly. Men who undergo radioactive seed therapy for prostate cancer are placed on a special diet for a few months afterwards. Everyone in the class groaned and grumbled about the foods that aren’t allowed on the diet. We were all saddened that tomatoes are on the taboo list for 90 days. That’s understandable because so many delicious foods are tomato-based. But what surprised me is that my husband seemed especially sad that he couldn’t eat Brussels sprouts for 30 days. Brussels sprouts? For 30 days?

5. Being married to a loving spouse is the best thing in the world. We were three couples in the class together this morning and each wife took time away from work and other activities to sit beside her husband, to learn with him, and to support him. Our nurse trainer on more than one occasion said something specifically to the wives about what we would need to do – drive our husbands home from the hospital, bring their medication with us the day of the procedure, etc. I cannot imagine what it would be like for a man to have to go through this treatment without such support. I am so grateful that I am able to help my husband through this.

My husband and I are optimistic and thanks to prostate school, we feel even more prepared to go through this treatment now. That brings me to my final life lesson from prostate school: Knowing what to expect makes all the difference in the world. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com.

Pressing My Nose Against the Glass of Higher Education: Why I Went Back to School

2012 091In my last blog post, I described my 11-year graduate school odyssey from my bachelor’s degree to my doctorate. One of my friends who read the post asked me what motivated me to undertake such a huge goal – why, in my 40s, I decided that a doctorate was something so important to me. This is what I told her:

I wanted to earn a doctorate for as long as I can remember. My childhood hero was Dr. Joyce Brothers, a popular TV personality back in the 60s. Seeing Dr. Brothers on the game and talk shows that aired in my childhood provided me with a different model of a woman than I had ever seen on TV or even, in my life: one who was beautiful but known for being smart. Dr. Brothers was treated with great respect and was called doctor, always, no matter where she was or who was speaking to her. I decided before the age of 10 that when I grew up, I wanted to be just like Dr. Joyce Brothers — beautiful, well-spoken, classy, smart, respected — and doctor.

My decision to return to graduate school in midlife was motivated by a significant life event: my first marriage was unraveling. My former husband is a professor and I spent all of my adult life living in the shadow of one university or another. We married young – two months after I graduated from college – and from the beginning of our marriage I made the decision to work while he completed his doctoral degree and post-doctoral work. I kept working and enjoyed success first as a teacher, then as a writer, consultant, and speaker. However, I always wanted to go on with my studies and I had shown great promise as a scholar in my undergraduate work.  As an academic wife, I always felt that I had my nose pressed against the glass of higher education, looking in from the outside but not being part of it myself.

When the marriage began to falter, I realized how much I regretted not having had the chance to go to graduate school. The old childhood dream of being like Dr. Brothers was still there and I felt I’d missed a wonderful experience by not going to grad school. I knew, however, that starting in my 40s that I could not go to grad school the way I would have when I was younger. At that life point, I could afford to go only to the local state university, a fine school but not necessarily the one I would have chosen if any choice was possible. And, I could take only one course at a time. That’s all I could handle on top of my many other responsibilities – parenting, writing, homemaking, etc. (Even that pace proved to be pretty challenging at times.) My studies would have to fit into my existing life and somehow, I was going to have to find a way to keep all the balls in the air. But, I decided I was going to embark on this long path and make it work.

That’s my story. And since I posted my last blog post about my graduate studies, I have heard from several readers who have told me that they, too, would like to return to school – or, that they are already underway in their studies . Have you ever thought of going back to school or of pursuing another ambitious lifelong dream? I’ve shared my story. Please tell us — what’s yours? – Dr. Laura Hills, President, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com