Tag Archives: etiquette

Ask Dr. Hills: How to Deal with Meeting Participants Who Plug In to Plug Out

shutterstock_48957622Dear Dr. Hills: Meeting facilitation is a large part of my job. I’m always struggling with folks being preoccupied and not being focused on the meeting at hand. They’re often looking at their email and other items on their laptop vs. paying attention to the meeting. I understand that everyone is busy. But sometimes it can be frustrating as I’m trying to get things accomplished during these meetings.

How do I address this? These are folks who absolutely understand meeting etiquette and often times facilitate meetings themselves. My issue is that I have to lead by influence as I have no direct reporting relationship with this people. I’ve tried giving them roles in the meeting when applicable and I’ve tried engaging them and asking them questions. Do you have any other suggestions? – Feeling Frustrated

Dear Feeling Frustrated: You’re describing a common yet difficult problem. We didn’t always have so many electronic escape hatches. But there have always been problems with people not paying attention at meetings and classes. I remember my sociology professor ejecting one of my undergraduate classmates from a large lecture hall back in the 70s because he was reading the newspaper instead of paying attention to the lecture. Today’s electronic devices just amplify things by giving people easier and more ways to disconnect from what’s going on in front of them.

I appreciate that you have no direct reporting relationship with the people who are attending your meetings. That makes it an even tougher challenge for you.  I like the strategies you’re using of engaging participants by giving them tasks to do and asking them questions. I encourage you to do as much as you can to make the meetings as productive and engaging as possible.

However, realistically, that may not do the trick. There seems to be a white elephant in your meeting room and I believe that you may need to say so. I’ve found it helpful when things like this happen to be transparent, to call a spade a spade, to say what I’m seeing, and to say how it’s making me feel. Would you feel comfortable addressing the issue squarely with your meeting participants?

If the problem is with one or two people, you can address this with them privately. But if the problem is pervasive, you might tell your meeting participants as a whole what you’ve observed. A good way to broach this is simply to say, “I noticed….” You could stop there and see what they say. Ex: “I noticed today that several of you were engaged in activities on your laptop during our meeting.” Then pause. That’s sometimes all it takes to change the behavior. Often, people will realize that they’ve done something that they shouldn’t be doing. Some may actually apologize.

Or, they may try to defend their behavior. They may say something to the effect that they can’t help it because they’re so busy, or that the meeting isn’t a productive use of their time. If they say that, then that’s something you can then talk about. However, if they say nothing, you can go on to say that their practice of multitasking during your meeting makes you feel that they’re disengaged, uninterested, or otherwise unavailable to take part in the meeting you’ve planned. Don’t use emotionally-charged or judgmental words; don’t say they’re being rude or insensitive or that they should know better. Better: “When I see you engaging in tasks on your laptop during our meeting, I feel _____ because ______.” That’s not accusatory or disrespectful. No one can argue about what you’re entitled to feel.

This direct approach takes some courage. But I predict that if you don’t do something different that the behavior will continue or worsen. Electronic communication has brought us all closer together but has also enabled people to disengage from situations they don’t like. Some people use their electronic devices for escape. Some are afraid that they may miss something. And in some cases, other people may expect them to be on an electronic leash, available all the time. I believe our culture suffers when we can’t focus on deep learning and building trusting relationships. Don’t give up. Keep working on this. I think that with a direct approach that you can change the behavior without whining, begging, bullying, or belittling. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

How Gauche! Take Our Quiz to Rate Your Workplace Etiquette

shutterstock_76411759Think you’ve got impeccable business manners? Why not find out? Take Blue Pencil Institute’s workplace etiquette quiz below to see if you’re a gracious and well-mannered career professional — or if your workplace manners are, shall we say, a little rough around the edges. Choose A, B, or C to respond to each statement below:

 

1. A co-worker starts to tell you a story she heard about a co-worker’s private life. You:

A. Diplomatically tell her you’re not interested in hearing it.

B. Listen carefully. You figure that the more you know about your co-workers, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate the politics in your office.

C. Listen but share what you heard only at home and not in the office.

2. A client has been waiting about five minutes to meet with you but you’re running a little behind schedule. You need a few more minutes to finish what you’re doing so you:

A. Apologize in person and offer the client a cup of coffee and a magazine.

B. Have someone else tell the client that you’re running late and will be a few more minutes.

C. Let the client continue waiting without hearing from you but finish what you’re working on as quickly as you can.

3. One of your co-workers had too much to drink at your office’s holiday party. You:

A. Pull her aside and try to get her to switch to coffee or a soft drink.

B. Take the drink out of her hand in front of everyone and make a joke of it.

C. Ignore it.

4. You have a non-urgent question for a co-worker who is talking with someone on the phone so you:

A. Leave a note saying you need to speak with him and try to get him another time.

B. Stand in the doorway and wait for him to get off the phone. You figure that that will save you time and that he’s likely to be on the phone again when you come back later.

C. Motion for him to put the caller on hold so you can speak to him.

5. One of your co-workers tells you that the new employee in the office looks really sexy in the clothes he or she usually wears to work. You:

A. Privately point out that the comment was sexist and offensive.

B. Publicly criticize him for saying something sexist and offensive.

C. Laugh heartily and voice your agreement. You figure that it’s harmless fun.

6. You notice that one of your male colleagues’ fly is unzipped. You’re a female and believe that he may be embarrassed if you point this out to him. You:

A. Quietly and privately ask one of the other men in the office tell him.

B. Ignore it.

C. Make a lighthearted joke of it.

7. A co-worker made a dish that exploded in the office microwave and didn’t clean up after herself. You know who made the mess. You:

A. Tell the person privately that the mess is still there and that it is courteous for her to clean it up so others can enjoy using the microwave.

B.    Ignore it.

C.   Leave a note anonymously on the microwave to “Whoever Made This Mess.

8. A client who is hearing impaired phones your office and wants to talk with you. You work in a cubicle. You:

A. Remove yourself to a room where you can close the door so you can speak to the client at the volume he needs to hear you.

B. Speak at a normal volume into the phone and figure that if the client can’t hear you that he can email you or come in person to talk with you.

C. Raise your voice volume so the client can hear you, even though everyone in and around you will hear what you’re saying.

YOUR SCORE: A’s are worth 2 points, B’s are worth 1, and C’s are work 0. If you scored 14-16 points, your business etiquette skills are strong. You’re able to handle challenging situations courteously. If you scored 10-12 points, you usually practice good business etiquette. Seek ways to approach every situation in your workplace with respect and consideration for others. If you scored below 10 points, you would benefit from doing some additional work to improve your business etiquette skills. Look for books, courses, and one-on-one coaching to help you develop the manners you need in your workplace.

For more information about workplace etiquette, check out Blue Pencil Institute’s Top 25 Tips for Workplace Etiquette. On Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/drlaurahills/workplace-etiquette-25-tips/. – Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com

 

Working, Living, and Surviving in the Fishbowl

FishbowlThe other day I had a meeting with a colleague in my home. That’s not unusual. However, on that particular day, one of my adult daughters happened to be in the house visiting us. I realized as I spoke with my colleague that my daughter could probably hear our conversation. Now, there was nothing within that conversation that was private or confidential; we could have just as easily had that same conversation in public over lunch or coffee or even shared what we were saying directly with my daughter, had she been interested – which she wasn’t. But just knowing that my daughter was in the house and within earshot changed the dynamic of our conversation.  It made us feel self-conscious. And I think we both restrained and edited our conversation because my daughter was there.

That’s the nature of the beast whenever people share an office, work in a cubicle, or otherwise conduct their business in front of other people. It’s hard when you’re the bystander in those situations not to listen, not to notice what’s going on. But we have an obligation to try. That means we can’t glance or peek at something or strain to overhear a conversation. We can’t read memos or faxes that are lying around in other people’s workstations, even if they happen to be in plain view. We can’t stand behind coworkers seated at a computer monitor and read what is on the screen, without their permission. And certainly, we can’t make comments about the phone and face-to-face conversations we can’t help but overhear.

Be mindful of what you’re doing if you work or live in a fishbowl. Every now and then, have the grace and sensitivity to shut your ears, shut your eyes, and swim behind a rock. — Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute, www.bluepencilinstitute.com